Chester! Chester! Near North Wales, off the M56

Chester, Chester, near North Wales Off the M56

Chester! Chester! Near North Wales! Off the M56! Alan is in the room Jed has dedicated to him. Jed reveals a large tattoo of Alan’s face on his chest: Jed: I’ll show you something. Alan: Glory be! Jed: It took Continue reading Chester! Chester! Near North Wales, off the M56

Out on a winding windy moor, we roll and fall in green

I'm Alan Partridge Series 1

This song will ALWAYS be associated with Partridge! The scene opens with a shot of the Travel Tavern lift doors and you can hear Alan singing the Kate Bush song, “Wuthering Heights” on his way down to reception: Alan: Out Continue reading Out on a winding windy moor, we roll and fall in green

You’re no relation to Robert Maxwell?

You’re no relation to Robert Maxwell? You’re not going to go all fat and steal my pension?

Alan leaves Michael to ponder after chatting about a sandwich board and heads over to reception, where Jed Maxwell is obtaining his ticket for the afternoon show: Jed: It’s you isn’t it? You’re Alan Partridge. Alan: Yes, I am. Jed: Continue reading You’re no relation to Robert Maxwell?

Malcolm MacDowell is trapped in the future

Plot thus: Malcolm MacDowell is trapped in the future. He’s being pursued by a cyber-punk from that past.

Alan has left the studio and is driving back to the Linton Travel Tavern in his car, which is plastered with Cock Piss Partridge. Alan to Lynn on his hands-free headset: Lynn, message from Alan. Something to pitch to Tony Continue reading Malcolm MacDowell is trapped in the future

Wonder Who Got The Powerpack?

Wonder Who Got The Powerpack?

ALAN IS IN THE RADIO NORWICH STUDIO, PRESENTING THE EVENING SHOW: Alan: That was Roxanne, by the Police or as they’re now known, Sting. A song there about a prostitute. Doesn’t say what her surname is. Must give her a Continue reading Wonder Who Got The Powerpack?

An egg still in it‘s shell, looks fine but… It‘s from the nineties

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An egg still in it‘s shell, looks fine but... It‘s from the nineties.
An egg still in it‘s shell, looks fine but… It‘s from the nineties.

Taken from Alan Partridge Scissored Isle.

Kommen Sie bitte, und listen to Kraftwerk.

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Kommen Sie bitte, und listen to Kraftwerk.
Kommen Sie bitte, und listen to Kraftwerk.

Alan is in the Radio Norwich studio pottering around while a farmer is talking on his phone in “This Mornings’ Farmer”:

Farmer:

Then we bring the cows in, get them milked by 6AM…

Alan:

You’re listening to “This Mornings’ Farmer. Go on, you were talking about cow bringing-in.

Farmer:

Yeah we bringing them in for milkin’, then all that can go…

Alan:

Pop the straight jacket on them?

Farmer:

What?

Alan:

Thanks very much for being ‘This Mornings’ Farmer’, Robert Moon. Robert, did you have your breakfast this morning?

Farmer:

Well I reckon the way things are going…

Alan:

Can you just answer ‘yes’ for the purposes of a joke?

Farmer:

Yes.

Alan:

In which case you must be a ‘full moon’. Hello?

Farmer:

Still ‘ere.

Alan:

Yeah, I was making a pun on your name.

Farmer:

Oh right.

Alan:

Anyway, thank you very much for being ‘This Mornings’ Farmer’.

(Old MacDonald tune plays with a loud cow moo at the end)

Sorry about that. Robert a bit slow on the uptake there. Don’t know what he had for breakfast. Presumably an infected spinal column in a bap. Just making a quick joke there about how infected cattle feed can attack the central nervous system. It’s just coming up to 5:35am.

Kommen Sie bitte, und listen to Kraftwerk.

This is Einstein a Go-Go. Gid, that’s git

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This is Einstein a Go-Go. Gid, That's git.
This is Einstein a Go-Go. Gid, That’s git.

From the last episode of the first series, Towering Alan. Alan and Dave have an on-air spat and Alan replaces T’s for D’s.

Alan (to his listeners):

That was Japan. The effeminate futurists, from the 80’s. With “Life Can Be Cruel in Tokyo”. It’s certainly congested. I’d love to go. In the meantime, it’s seven o’clock. Oh, Guv’nor, he’s got me bang to rights, it’s Chief Constable Dave Clifton of Scotland Yard’s very own plainclothes pop force.

Dave:

Yes. Good morning, Alan…

Alan:

Whoa, let me finish. Hello, hello, hello.

Dave:

Yeah, I think your splidding hairs a little bit there Alan.

Alan:

Sorry, splidding?

Dave:

Yeah, splidding, you know.

Alan:

Sorry, it’s difficult to understand you when you say splidding. Because I know in real life you say “splitting”. It’s interesting the way you substitute a “d” for a “t” when you’re broadcasting. If you ask me, it’s the behaviour of a dosser.

Dave:

A dosser?

Alan:

Yes. A dosser and a dwad.

Dave:

Alan Partridge there…

Alan:

There are others, aren’t there. There’s did-head,  and there’s dalendless shid. And if rumours are to be believed, you’re back on the boddle.

Dave:

Err, this is “Einstein A Go Go”.

Alan:

Gid. That’s git.

Open Books Added…

I was a bit bored, so I dismantled my Corby trouser press, again. Then I went down to Keyboard Central and added the Open Books With Martin Bryce quotes/script. Enjoy it here.