“I say telescopic dampers, I mean rigid stays.”
Alan Partridge · I'm Alan Partridge · Episode 5 – I Know What Alan Did Last Summer
A-ha!
Every ruddy Alan Partridge quote
A growing library of Alan Partridge quotes with the scene, the speaker and the episode, plus full scripts of I'm Alan Partridge and Knowing Me, Knowing You.
Latest quotes
“M62. How’s it going in the living room, uncovered any old fireplaces?”
Alan Partridge · I'm Alan Partridge · Episode 5 – I Know What Alan Did Last Summer
“Speak very quickly, she can’t understand it.”
Alan Partridge · I'm Alan Partridge · Episode 5 – I Know What Alan Did Last Summer
“When I’ve calmed down I’ll kiss him better where I stabbed him.”
Alan Partridge · I'm Alan Partridge · Episode 5 – I Know What Alan Did Last Summer
“It’s not an appropriate gift for a man approaching 50! It’s too big!”
Alan Partridge · I'm Alan Partridge · Episode 5 – I Know What Alan Did Last Summer
“Sonja, beefeaters do no live in caravans! They live in the Tower of London and they are restaurants.”
Alan Partridge · I'm Alan Partridge · Episode 5 – I Know What Alan Did Last Summer
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Alan Partridge Quotes gets a big revamp: what’s new
A rebuilt quote library, easier scripts, a GIF maker, videos, news and a new look. Here is what has changed and how you can help.
One year on: How Are You? It’s Alan (Partridge) began on 3 October 2025
A look back at Alan’s latest series, a six-part mockumentary about life after Saudi Arabia.
Coogan’s Netflix thriller Legends is renewed for a second season
Steve Coogan stars in Legends, the Netflix crime drama renewed in August 2026.
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Full scripts and transcripts
Every line, every scene. Pick an episode to read the whole script.
- I'm Alan Partridge, series 1Read the scripts
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- All scriptsComplete episode guide
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Alan Partridge quotes: FAQ
What is Alan Partridge's most famous catchphrase?
The best known Alan Partridge catchphrases are "A-ha!" and "Back of the net!", along with "Smell my cheese, you mother!" and the "Dan!" shout from I'm Alan Partridge.
Where do the quotes on this site come from?
Quotes are taken from the broadcast programmes (Knowing Me Knowing You, I'm Alan Partridge, Mid Morning Matters and more). Each quote links to the scene and the full script so you can read it in context.
Can I read the full Alan Partridge scripts?
Yes. The site has full fan transcripts of I'm Alan Partridge series 1 and 2 and other episodes, with a jump-to-scene menu on each page.
Is this an official site?
No. It is an unofficial fan site and is not affiliated with the BBC, Baby Cow or Steve Coogan.